Understanding Manipulative Behaviours in Neurodivergent Children

Understanding Manipulative Behaviours in Neurodivergent Children The Impact of Autism and PDA

When we discuss behaviours like gaslighting and manipulation, we often think of them in the context of adult relationships. However, these behaviours can sometimes be observed in children, particularly those who are neurodivergent. Understanding these behaviours, especially in the context of autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), requires a nuanced and empathetic approach. It’s essential to recognise that what might be perceived as manipulative or deceitful behaviour in neurotypical individuals could have entirely different motivations and meanings in neurodivergent children.

Understanding Gaslighting and Manipulative Behaviours in Children

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one person tries to make another doubt their perceptions, memories, or reality. While this is typically discussed among adults, children can also exhibit behaviours that resemble gaslighting. However, it’s crucial to differentiate between intentional manipulation and the natural behaviours of children as they develop their understanding of reality and social interactions.

Children, particularly those on the autism spectrum, often have different ways of communicating and interpreting the world around them. These differences can sometimes be misunderstood as manipulative behaviours. For instance, an autistic child might insist on their version of reality because they genuinely perceive it that way, not because they are trying to deceive others. This is especially relevant when considering profiles like PDA, where avoidance of demands can lead to behaviours that might appear as gaslighting or manipulation.

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition characterised by differences in social communication, behaviour, and sensory processing. Autistic individuals often have unique communication styles and social understandings, which can sometimes lead to behaviours that others misinterpret as manipulative.

For example, autistic individuals may struggle with “theory of mind,” which is the ability to understand that others have different thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. This can result in actions that seem self-centred or manipulative but are often due to a lack of understanding of social nuances rather than an intent to deceive.

Additionally, autistic children might exhibit behaviours that look like gaslighting when they are trying to cope with overwhelming situations. For example, if they deny something they’ve done, it might be because they are genuinely confused or anxious, not because they are trying to manipulate the situation.

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Its Impact

PDA is a profile on the autism spectrum characterised by an extreme avoidance of everyday demands and a high level of anxiety. Individuals with PDA often display behaviours that are aimed at avoiding demands, which can include lying, deflecting, or insisting on an alternate version of reality. While these behaviours might be seen as manipulative or gaslighting in a neurotypical context, they are often coping mechanisms for managing intense anxiety in those with PDA.

For example, a child with PDA might deny reality or create elaborate excuses to avoid a demand that feels overwhelming. This isn’t about trying to deceive others; it’s about managing their anxiety in the only way they know how. The need to control their environment and the people in it can lead to behaviours that are easily misinterpreted as manipulative, but understanding the underlying cause—extreme anxiety—is key to responding appropriately.

Therapeutic Support: A Neurodiversity-Affirming Approach

Therapists play a crucial role in helping neurodivergent children, particularly those with autism and PDA, navigate these complex behaviours. The goal is to approach these behaviours with empathy and a deep understanding of the child’s neurodivergent needs, rather than trying to fit them into neurotypical expectations.

1. Assessment and Understanding

   Therapists begin with a thorough assessment to understand the child’s behaviour within the context of their neurodivergence. This includes exploring the child’s environment, social interactions, and any past trauma or stressors.

2. Building Self-Awareness and Communication

   Therapy often focuses on helping the child develop emotional literacy and better communication skills. This can involve teaching the child how to identify and express their feelings in a healthy way, and how to navigate social interactions without resorting to behaviours that might be seen as manipulative.

3. Reducing Demands and Offering Choices

   For children with PDA, reducing demands and offering choices can help them feel more in control and reduce anxiety. This, in turn, can decrease the need for behaviours that seem manipulative, as the child feels less threatened and more able to engage honestly and openly.

4. Family and Environmental Support

   Therapists often work with the entire family to address any dysfunctional patterns that might be contributing to the child’s behaviour. This includes helping parents and caregivers understand the child’s neurodivergent needs and providing strategies for setting healthy boundaries while supporting the child’s development.

5. Long-Term Support and Monitoring

   Ongoing therapy is important to ensure that positive changes are sustained over time. This includes regular monitoring of the child’s progress and adjusting therapeutic approaches as needed to continue supporting the child’s growth and well-being.

Conclusion

Understanding behaviours like gaslighting and manipulation in neurodivergent children, particularly those with autism and PDA, requires a compassionate and neurodiversity-affirming approach. These behaviours are often coping mechanisms for managing overwhelming anxiety or social confusion rather than intentional attempts to deceive or manipulate others.

By focusing on understanding the child’s unique needs and providing appropriate therapeutic support, we can help them develop healthier ways to communicate and interact with the world. This not only promotes the child’s well-being but also fosters more positive and supportive relationships with those around them. In this way, we can ensure that neurodivergent children are supported in a manner that respects their differences and promotes their growth and happiness.